For a long time now, I haven't been sure what to write.
I struggle with this.
I think part of my problem is that I'm not quite sure who it is I'm writing this for. For awhile I kept trying to package and sell it, like it was a product.
But I don't think that's the point.
I'd like to write--there's something so intrinsically satisfying about writing: seeing thoughts crystallize on paper. Perhaps I'm writing this for myself? But that never seems to be motivation enough for me--I think I lack the foresight for it. There's no need for me to communicate to my present self what I'm thinking and feeling, and I never feel like my future self cares--I want more than anything to connect deeply and immediately with someone here and now in the present.
I rarely bring myself to write until I feel that need.
I don't think I've ever taken more pleasure in writing than on my mission when I would write ____. Nothing has ever felt so urgent, so important. I have never felt before or since that I was so entirely understood and accepted. I feel like I know a good deal about who I am, what I want, etc. But yet I am always changing, re-examining, being shaken up. Not that any of that is a bad thing. It's almost always positive in the end.
In any case, I think the only remedy is one that I've come to time and time again. I just need to sit down and spit it out--and trust that good things will develop.
Keep it Like a Secret
